Loneliness in aging parents whose children live far away: why a call matters

You ask your mom how she is. "Bien, mija. Aquí, como siempre." Fine. Here, same as always.

You hang up feeling calm. Then, washing the dishes, you keep thinking about that "same as always." Who did she talk to today? Who knocked on her door this week?

When you leave, you think about sending money. Nobody tells you that you also leave an empty chair at the table, and that the chair gets heavier with the years.

What the data says

Mexico has about 17.1 million older adults. One in ten lives alone: about 1.7 million people.

But living alone is not the hardest part. The hardest part is having no one to call. In a 2021 national health survey, almost one in four older adults (23.7%) said they have no relative close enough to ask for help. And one in three (34.1%) has only one person.

Researchers at Mexico's national university, UNAM, explain it this way: families are smaller, children live far away, and in the towns that send many people to the United States, the elders stay behind with fewer hands around them.

Your family didn't do anything wrong. It is what happens in thousands of homes where someone had to leave so the others could be better off.

Not everyone lives it the same way

Your dad in the city, with neighbors he has known all his life, does not live the same thing as your mom in a small town where few young people are left.

And not everyone can take a video call. In Mexico, 57.8% of people aged 65 to 74 use the internet, and only 30.3% of those 75 and older. For many parents and grandparents, a voice on the phone is still the only door.

That is why the ordinary call, the voice call, matters so much.

Five ways to keep them company from far away

1. Call for no reason. A short call on a Tuesday says something the Sunday call doesn't: I thought of you.

2. Ask about the day, not about health. "What did you eat?" "Who stopped by?" That is where the things "estoy bien" hides come out.

3. Give them a place in your life. Ask for the recipe, tell them about work, ask what they would do. Nobody likes being only someone who is looked after.

4. Weave a net over there. A neighbor, a niece, someone from church. Talk to that person and thank them. Let your mom know someone will knock.

5. Set a day and keep it. What keeps them company is not how long the call lasts. It is knowing it will come.

If you notice that your dad or mom no longer wants to go out, barely eats or has lost interest in everything, don't let it pass: it is time for them to talk to a doctor or a psychologist.

Lupita, our AI companion, is designed to call first. But Lupita does not replace you. Nobody can. Your call is yours.